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How does a boy learn to be a man?
A man learns masculinity primarily from his father. But generations of boys who grow up without caring fathers or male mentors to emulate are left to guess what "men" are really like. They rely on cultural icons--larger-than-life images--as models of masculinity. As a result, they grow up mirroring overblown myths of manhood. Obsessed with being "man enough," they become philanderers, controllers, and competitors--constantly overcompensating for their loss of a true role model, yet sorely unprepared for family life.
In Man Enough, psychiatrist and family therapist Frank Pittman explores what it is like to grow up male today. With great poignancy, humor, and candor, he weaves together case studies from his practice, examples from literature and films, plus personal vignettes from his own experiences as a father to examine these hyper-masculine men and to illustrate how they developed and how they can change. Dr. Pittman asserts that men can move past proving their masculinity and start practicing it by striving with the other guys rather than against them, achieving equality and intimacy with their mates--and by fathering. A man raises himself as he raises children and learns to understand and forgive his parents as he becomes one.
An important book for men and women, Man Enough offers a new approach to issues of commitment, caring and control and creates a positive model for the fathers of tomorrow's men.
- Sales Rank: #351071 in Books
- Published on: 1994-10-01
- Released on: 1994-10-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .91" w x 5.14" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Being manly doesn't mean being macho, declares Atlanta-based psychiatrist Pittman ( Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy ). Here he explains the "masculine mystique" and suggests how men can overcome their obsession with masculinity, achieving greater happiness and intimacy with members of both sexes. The first section details three kinds of men afflicted by "masculopathy": philanderers (who can't make or keep commitments), contenders (who feel driven to compete) and controllers. The second section explains how men become masculopathic. Through sometimes humorous anecdotes and numerous references to films, Pittman explores such areas as father/son relationships, homophobia and the striving to separate from Mother (and thus, the "feminine"). Finally, he shows men how to shed the "mystique" through cooperation (as opposed to competition) and emulation (rather than envy); how to let go of the fear of women and the need to dominate them; and how to "raise themselves" through raising their children. A sensitive and reasonable guide for enlightened men--and those who want to be.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Kirkus Reviews
Atlanta psychiatrist Pittman (Private Lies, 1989) returns with an engaging, if not always convincing, assessment of the causes and cures of masculine inadequacy in America today. Citing a diminished patriarchy and patrimony as reasons for the difficulties modern men have in making the transition from sons to fathers, Pittman isolates three primary character types-- ``philanderers,'' ``contenders,'' and ``controllers''--as reflecting arrested or socially damaging development. Histories of the author's gym-buddies and cases from his family-therapy practice, specifics of a difficult relationship with his own father and of turbulent times with his son, and a dazzling array of references to popular cinema from Life with Father to Dances with Wolves help to illustrate these types, with a similar variety of examples used to examine the conditions necessary for becoming and being a ``man.'' When absent, overbearing fathers create men out of balance, Pittman says, equilibrium is attained only by understanding bonding and friendship, and, if necessary, by coming to terms with and forgiving one's parents. Men can then perceive women as equals and can ``join the team'' by working with others rather than by always striving to prove their masculinity. Long on personal anecdote but short on substantive analysis, and gushing with feel-good fixes from a seemingly bottomless reservoir; still, a witty, well-meaning consideration of a serious social problem. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Frank Pittman, M.D., is a psychiatrist and family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. His revolutionary research on family therapy as an alternative to psychiatric hospitalization, conducted with Langsley and Kaplan in Denver in the mid-1960s, won awards from both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Family Therapy Association. In the late 1970s, Pittman championed community mental health as he directed the public psychiatric at Atlanta's Grady Hospital
For the last twenty years, Pittman has been in private practice, teaching in the department of psychiatry at Emory University and in the department of psychology at Georgia State University, and doing workshops around the world.
Since 1983, he has written a regular movie review for the Family Therapy Networker. Since 1991, he has written a monthly advice column for men in New Woman magazine.
He works and lives in Atlanta with Betsy, his wife of 33 years, and a steadily changing menage of their grown children, nieces and nephews.
Most helpful customer reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Convincingly demonstrates what hinders full male development
By Karl Hess
Pittman's review is brilliant, so different from other books on male development. I sent copies to my three adult daughters.
In my view, male pathology is severely harming us all. Pittman describes how that develops and how it can be avoided. He goes way beyond the pettiness of the contemporary sex wars.
25 of 25 people found the following review helpful.
Searching for a Father, Searching for Yourself
By A. Lucas
The dominant argument in this book is pretty simple, and it mimics arguments in many contemporary works of masculine fiction. Men are searching. Fathers, sons, brothers, and husbands are searching.
Reading this book, I am reminded again and again of Palahniuk's Fight Club, a book that warns us through satire of the dangers of allowing generations of men to grow up fatherless and no way to express what it means to be a man. I think the author of Man Enough would agree that currently the American male population is struggling to identify itself. Our fathers are not with us (in one way or another) and we look to overexagerated symbols of masculinity that we can never emulate completely.
This book is NOT satire. I believe it to be an accurate (albeit a little negative) view of men in our world. If you are reading this, it's more than likely that your father wasn't there for you. This book will explain why, and give you a nudge in the right direction as to how you can work toward becoming a real man ... not a man from the movies, not a man from a fairy tale, not a man from a woman's ideal, but a REAL man.
The book doesn't provide all the answers, but it asks the questions we need to ask ourselves as we move toward masculinity. Questions are raised about why it's difficult for men to maintain friendships, why homosexuality is so feared by many heterosexual men, why men are unhappy in their marriages, why fathers are missing, why our sons hate us, and why at times we hate ourselves.
Men will use this book to understand themselves. Women will use this book to understand their men. It's high time our world recognized the trouble this generation of men has been dealt.
Boys, no matter what your age, read this book and ponder your plight.
We have no great war or great depression to bond us together. We have no fathers to show us ourselves. We look to heroes, and strive to be Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams. We risk everything to reconnect with our fathers who are little more than ghosts.
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Warm, Wise, & Full of Common Sense
By Christopher Schmitz
In the course of researching a book I hope to publish ("Stalling the Revolution: The Men's Movement in the Ambivalent 1990s") I read a staggering number of "men's books" like "Iron John," "Fire in the Belly," "The Myth of Male Power," "Fatherless America," "Manhood in America," etc.
This one stands above the rest on the strength of its pleas for solutions and action. So many books on the subject of embattled manhood or vanishing fatherhood simply delineate the problem through dozens of well-researched, heavily foot-noted chapters then turn--in the last few pages--to some improbable, uninspired "solution."
Pittman's flaws include returning to the same ideas with a kind of circular redundancy, but at least they're good ideas. He pleas almost desperately, tearfully for men to father boys whatever it takes, whatever the obstacles. The reality that the father-son relationship so central to our dominant (Christian) religion has atrophied in our homes is rightly seen by Pittman as the great tragedy of our times. A heterosexual married man, this intelligent psychotherapist throws our homophobia in our face and curses its damage. He even comes to verge of endorsing pederasty.
Rather than pack his book with psychobabble, Pittman has filled "Man Enough" with real-life anecdotes from his own life as well as those of his clients and friends. He also includes commentary on popular films with regard to men's issues. The oedipal conflict between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker is mentioned for instance--along with the poisonous "masculopathy" of the Godfather series.
Pittman may be unsparing about mens' faults, but he offers us hope. The best compliment I can pay this book is that, throughout it, you feel the author's warmth, wisdom, horse sense, honesty, and love.
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